Tag Archives: self help

5 Step Break up recovery plan

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This video is all about how to get past that last relationship, and start moving on.  You will find lots of great ideas for change, and heaps of direction for bringing positive influences into your life. We can heal and grow from our past, and move into positive new life.  Here is how!

Exercise:

The exercise for this tutorial are easy.  Just do those things suggested in the video, or at least some of them.

Step 5 is all about healing ourselves and making ourselves strong to create positive and healthy relationships in the future.  Here are some links mentioned in step 5.

Build gratitude into your life.

Learn the healing power of Forgiveness

Create a Mission Statemement and see below for a link to learning meditation.

 

Meditation:

Building self love and power through the yellow and green chakra is going to help you heal faster, and build your individual strength and power up that will lead you into a positive future. If you haven’t started meditation yet, click here for a very easy start meditation that will help you clear negative blockages and bring positivity to you.

Comments:

Please let me know how the 5 Step Plan helped you start moving forward.  What steps really made a difference for you, and what parts of How to Happiness helped you to step out of the past. 


Buidling Self Esteem and Self Confidence.

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People may say to you “you need more confidence” or “You’re lacking in self esteem”.  Or you may be like I was, where no one would say any such thing to me, as I was very good at putting on a front, and appearing confident, while underneath the mask I was completely uncertain and unsure of myself.  Either way, how are you supposed to get more confidence?

I guess lacking in self confidence and self esteem really means to not have faith in ourselves, be uncertain of ourselves, feel out of our depth a lot of the time.  This can stop us doing what we would really like to do, make many situations uncomfortable for us, make us self conscious, effect how we behave, what we thing of ourselves, and how others see us.

I want to address building confidence and self esteem because it has such a huge influences on our overall level of Happiness.  However, as I begin to plan this post, I find that I have already discussed much of this in my previous posts!

Firstly, when you decide to make changes in your life to gain more happiness, you immediately start building self esteem, for you are acknowledging that you deserve happiness in your life.  You give yourself Read more »

Gratitude – A Quick Step to Happiness

What is so great about being grateful?

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During this short video I let you know why feeling grateful and thankful can be a powerful way to create happiness in your life. Not only does it promote health and a positive attitude, but it begins to bring a lot more things to be grateful and thankful for into your life.

 

How to be grateful, about what, and when.

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I recorded this video in a grave yard, just to remind us that is nothing else, we can be grateful to be alive!  Here I talk about what grateful feels like, that we need to find things to be grateful and thankful for, then focus on those feelings to increase them.  We look at what you can be grateful for, which could be anything from the trillions of beautiful, amazing, perfect things in nature, to the simple little things in life that go right, like getting a sort after car park, right through to being grateful for negative emotions and feelings just for the indication and reminder that we live.  Then we went through a series of exercises you can do for one to two weeks, practicing gratitude, and see how different you feel after focusing on the good.  Here they are:

Exercise:   Practice these for 1-2 weeks (Continue as long as you like – forever is recommended!)


1.  Do the Happiness Survey before you begin, so you can measure your success and progress

2.  Write in a gratitude diary every night 3 things that you are grateful and thankful for during your day

3.   Appreciate someone every day and let them know

4.   Do something nice for someone every day

5.  Tell people about the things you are grateful for – in every conversation try to throw in something that you are glad about

6.  Do the Happiness Survey again to see if gratefulness and thankfulness really DO make you happier (then decide to keep doing it!)

 

Meditation:{Haven’t started meditation yet? Click here for my meditation post}

Spend  lots of  time in  the heart chakra  (green)  swelling  up your heart with  thankfulness and  gratefulness, and  pour out  appreciation and  love in  gratitude to the  wonderful  people in your life.

 

Comments:

I would really love to hear about how gratefulness is making you happier.  Also, if there has been an effect on your friends because of your positive words.  How did someone   react to your act of appreciation or thoughtfulness?  Was it easy to find things to be grateful for?  Did it get easier to find things to be grateful for?  Did you see a change in your Happiness level through the Happiness Survey?

The Forgiveness Series

Have a look at the Inner Child series to get the most of this post.

Why Forgive?

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In this series we look at why and how to go about forgiveness.  In this introduction I speak about how we often hold on to old hurts and disappointments others have given us, and how bad this is for our emotional and physical health.  It is hard to get happy now, if you are plagued with bitterness, resentment, anger toward someone from the past.  All we need do is forgive them, and move on into our happier, healthier future.

How to Forgive.

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This video will give you some direction in finding a way to forgive those of the past who have hurt or disappointed you.

How to forgive:

  1. Choose a person from the past that you harbor bad feelings about, who hurt you in some way, and is a story that you keep within you.
  2. Find a way to look on your offender with compassion, empathy, understanding, generosity (allowing your heart to open).  We use the understanding that we gathered in the Inner Child series to understand our offender, recognise the fears, anxieties, hurts and needs in them that may have driven them to behave as they did toward you.
  3. Forgive them once we genuinely see how they have acted as a result of their inner child’s fears, anxieties, hurts and needs.
  4. A forgiveness act reinforces our commitment to lasting forgiveness.
  5. Keep forgiving your offender over and over until it is a permanent and real feeling.

Forgiveness action:

  • Tell your friends that you have forgiven your past offender, and no longer talk about the incident
  • Hold a party to announce and celebrate your forgiveness, and the act of letting this old, black past go
  • Write a letter of forgiveness, expressing the incident, how you have carried it around for ages, and how you have forgiven.  Read it aloud to a friend (no need to deliver to your offender)
  • Have a private ceremony, with candles and incense, create a little prayer, then burn some token of that time, or bury it.  Or bury the forgiveness letter you may have written.

Exercise:

Forgive someone using the above method.  You will need some time of contemplation, to find that compassion.  Make sure you complete some act of forgiveness to give your forgiveness power and strength.

Meditation: {Haven’t started meditation yet? Click here for my meditation post}

Spend extra time in the third  chakra (yellow) flushing out all the old hurts and disappointments with yellow forgiveness.  Then put extra time into the heart chakra, pumping in love and forgiveness for your offender, and also extra love for you.  Allowing yourself to let go of a past hurt and forgive is a very loving act for ourselves, so pump in extra love for us, as we give ourselves the gift of forgiveness and letting the past go. Use the blue throat chakra to open and clearly state to the world our forgiveness, and see the whole world hear, understand, and rejoice with you.

Comments:

Add your comments to the comments section. Tell me about how it feels to let go of the past, and the person who has hurt you.  Let me know about how hard or easy it was to find a way to see them with generosity, understanding, empathy.  Did you find the inner child work helped in understanding the mistakes of others?  How much courage did it take to let go of the past, and allow yourself to be generous and forgive?

Forgiving our Parents.

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And last but not least, a little extra on how to forgive our parents, who perhaps were a little lacking in our childhood.  As well as using the Inner Child knowledge we now have, I mention here some other ways to find some understanding, empathy and generosity for those all important elders in our lives. Remember the goal is to find a way to open our hearts to our parents, and find forgiveness, so that we can move to a brighter, happier future.

  • See that our parents may have showing love to us in a way that we didn’t understand or recognise.  Then we can see it has really just been a matter of lack of communication (later we will look at the 5 languages of love, and understand from that not everyone gives and receives love the same way – look out for that!)
  • Our parents may have just been raising us the way they were raised.  They may not have thought, or had the courage, or knowledge to raise us some other way.
  • If your parent has passed, speak to others that knew them, or your siblings for their view point.  You may be surprised that you view your childhood quite differently, and communicating gives you a whole new perspective.
  • Look to see if there is a strength in us that our parents negative impact have effected on us.  If we can acknowledge that as bad as it was, it has created something positive in you, then you may be able to be more positive toward them, and forgive.

By finding out a little more about our parents, the way  they were raised, ask about their ideas of parenting, we can get more of an insight into how things went a little wrong.

Exercise:

Find a way to view your parents with love, generosity, understanding and compassion, so that you can forgive them, using the tips above.

 

Meditation: {Haven’t started meditation yet? Click here for my meditation post}

As above, extra yellow to get rid of old hurts and disappointments.  Extra love for our parents, and whatever the struggle was they living with as they raised us.  Wash it all out with love.  Use blue throat chakra to speak out loud our forgiveness, empathy, understanding and compassion for our parents.

Comments:

I would love to hear some of the ways you have come to understand your parents view point that is different to what you had before. How did you go about that?  How did you  find out more about your parents motives if they are no longer here to speak with about it?  Can you forgive?  How does that feel?

 


A Path to Self Parenting and Forgiveness.

What’s this Inner Child thing all about?  A quick intro…

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Here I introduce the idea of connecting with you inner child, and why you should.  Working with the inner child can lead to recognising and coping with emotions, caring for yourself like a parent, and forgiving yourself and others.  Very powerful.  Check it out.

Connecting with your Inner Child – it all starts here!

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This is where we begin to connect with our inner child.  You will find it surprising and enlightening to connect with your inner child, and be amazed at what it shows you about your emotions and feelings.  This is the beginning of taking care of yourself from this point on, and will be a major step in becoming and being happy.

Exercise:

Spend a little time everyday connecting with your inner child, and being together.  Make sure that you give them love, and promise to take care of them. You may want to write down some of the things that come up for you in these sessions – use a journal to help clear your thoughts.  Try to feel the emotions that are your little persons, so you can become familiar with how they feel, and where, so that you can look out for them coming up in your life situation too.

What can help you build a strong connection with your inner child is to find a photo of yourself as a child, and put it up somewhere prominent in your home.  Make your inner child important. We are no longer trying to hide them, or not hear them.  Give them value.  The photo will also help to remind you to spend time with them each day.

Meditation: {Haven’t started meditation yet? Click here for my meditation post}

While meditating on the first chakra (red/base) try to spend extra time clearing out any fears that your inner child has let you know about. In the yellow chakra (emotions) spend extra energy clearing out sadness, loneliness, hurts, disappointments that your inner child may have let you know about. Then spend time in the yellow pumping in inner power and strength there, and also parental care and protection for your inner child.

Comments:

Please let me know how it felt to connect with your inner child.  What secrets did they reveal?  How does it feel to take on the role of parent to yourself?  I know I suddenly felt safe, no longer at the mercy of what ever happened, or who ever turned up.

 

 

 

Inner Child – Today!

After connecting up with our Inner Child, we move on here to see how our Inner Child impacts on our every day life.

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During this video I talk about recognising your inner child in the emotions, feelings and responses you have during your every day.  When we can see, and acknowledge these feelings, we can start to use some of the things we tried in the first video, such as soothing, self talk, parenting ourselves, to deal with these rising emotions and feelings.  I talk about how I first used soothing to help me through a problem that came up for me often, and about how to not get caught up in other peoples emotions.

Haven’t connected with your inner child yet?? Click here

 

Exercise:

Spend the week noticing the feelings, emotions and responses that you experience during your everyday life.  Recognise your inner child in them, by seeing they are the same that you discovered during last weeks exercise using the inner child visualization.  Notice where you feel the emotions, what your inner child is trying to tell you, and if they come up at regular times, so you can try to see what triggers them.  Then use your soothing, and parenting self talk to calm down the emotions, acknowledge them, and let your inner child know how you will take care of them.  Let them know they are safe.  Then, when your emotions and feelings have been quieted, you can try to take action, if it is needed, from this quieted place.  What action you take should be that of a parents action, protect, support, set boundaries, or give love.  Whatever is required.

Use a journal if you like to note down what you discover, how you supported and soothed yourself, what situations brought up what issues, emotions and feelings for you.  Have you done the Happiness Survey lately?  Why not take a look at that, and see if there is some changes to your overall Happiness level?

 

Meditation: {Haven’t started meditation yet? Click here for my meditation post}

While meditating on the first chakra (red/base) try to spend extra time clearing out any fears that may be coming up for you and your inner child. In the yellow chakra (emotions) spend extra energy clearing out sadness, loneliness, hurts, disappointments that you are discovering as you take notice in your every day. Then spend time in the yellow pumping in inner power and strength there, and also parental care and protection for your inner child.

Comments:

Don’t forget to add your comments below, when you have tried any of the tutorials.  You comments let me know that you are gaining from the videos, and they inspire others to try to make changes in THEIR lives too, through your successes!  Thank you.

 

Inner Child – Past!

Now let’s take a look at our Inner Child in the past……..

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In this video we take a look at the past and how your inner child made its presence felt there.  Your inner child (all those basic fears, anxieties, wants and needs) effect the way we live.  While we were unaware of those feelings we live life through them.  When we become aware of these feelings in us, we can begin to manage them, parent ourselves, and even change some feelings that are no longer helping us, or are no longer necessary for us.  But in the past, before we understood these things, our feelings ( our inner child) can have been very prominent in the choices we made.  In recognising that, we can forgive ourselves for past mistakes that were motivated by fear or need of our inner child, because at that stage we did not understand about our feelings, or about caring for ourselves.

Forgiving ourselves, understanding how the past happened is a powerful way to allow the past to drop back into the past.  Without the past we are free to move freely into the future, and into Happiness!

Exercise:

Spend some time looking at some of the past (don’t get bogged down here, or connected up with these times – simply look as an observer at some of the past, and try not to get involved with it) and see if you can recognise there some of the emotions, fears, worries and needs that you will have discovered in the earlier Inner Child tutorials.  Look out for how your inner child directed your choices and responses.  Look for patterns of behavior.  See how fears, anxieties and needs have driven parts of your life. And then it time to forgive yourself for some of the mistakes, situation and responses that have been your inner child’s making.  Spend time with these ideas, use a journal to help sort out these feelings, if it helps.  Ultimately, we want to leave the past behind, and seeing how we very much were a part of the things that happened, forgiving ourselves for what we didn’t understand then, or know how to deal with then, and then letting it slip into the past.

Doing this work may bring up some things for you, and see some of the past in a different light.  You may feel you want to apologise to people you have hurt.  This is a wonderful feeling.  Do not rush to do these things, however.  Spend some time with these feelings, as they can be quite strong to start with.  Allow them to calm, and settle before you take action.  Try to wait a week.  You may want to see the last tutorial first, about forgiveness of others in your life, and past.  If you still feel the urge to apologise, then do so. Please realise, however, they have not had the insights you have, they may not accept your apology, or they may be angry all over again.  It may not be a favor to them to call up the past.  Have a think through about how it may go, before approaching them.  It may be enough to forgive yourself, and promise yourself that you will try your hardest not to hurt another the same way, now that you realise.  Alternatively, you may give great relief to someone who has been hurting a long time at your hand.  It is very personal, and only you can tell what you should do.

A Note on RESPONSIBILITY: I speak about taking responsibility for your past, and your inner child’s effects.  Of course, many of the fears, worries, anxieties, wants and needs are a direct result of perhaps our upbringing, significant events in childhood, ongoing poor relationships.  I am not suggesting that we were necessarily responsible for how your inner child was created.  Only, that now we know about the inner child and those emotions and feelings that come with that, we can take responsibility for how those feelings and emotions impact on our lives from now on.  And, that in the past, because we didn’t know about them, or how to deal with them, they effected the way we lived and what we did.  When we see that, no matter where the feelings and emotions came from, how these feelings and needs became part of your inner child, they are now YOUR responsibility.  From there we can forgive ourselves and MOVE ON!

Meditation: {Haven’t started meditation yet? Click here for my howto meditation post}

Spend lots of time in the yellow chakra, clearing away old hurts and disappointments as you work on this section.  Put in loads of care, power,  and support into the yellow area once you have cleared it.  Then in the heart chakra (green) spend lots of time putting in love and acceptance of you as you are and as you have been.  Give lots of love and support to yourself while you are taking an honest look at you.  Be your own best parent!

Comments: Don’t forget to add a comment, if you have been doing some of the exercises.  How did it feel to forgive the past?  Do you feel you can let go of the past a bit now?  Where you surprised how much you realised you inner child had effected your choices, responses and actions?

Meditation – I just don’t GET it!

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3 minute meditation only.  Listen or download

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A woman from my old air hostessing life said to me – “I just don’t GET meditation.”   It just made no sense to her at all.  On reflection, I guess she meant she couldn’t understand why you would want to stop thinking.  Perhaps for her, thinking is what keeps everything in order, under control, organized, time efficient.  She may have wondered why you would want to turn that off.

She didn’t realize that something like 98% of all thought is repetitive!  That is, all that history, shopping lists, to do lists, and opinions going over and over again in your head. Not only that, many of our thoughts can be negative, unhelpful and self critical. As well as that, our thoughts are what create worry, anxiety and stress in our body.
So. Spending some time without all that going on, can only be good for us.


The mind is a great tool for helping with the practical aspects of life, but does become a little boring if you actually listen to it droning on!  Or can seem like the nastiest bully in school when it gets going about all your faults.  And can spin you into a panic attack as quick as a wink.

 

This hostess may have felt that the idea of having any sort of control over her thoughts was just so impossible that meditation made no sense.  That the frantic buzzing noise of her thoughts had a ‘mind of their own’.  And sometimes it does seem almost impossible to slow down, or control your thinking.  But it can be done!

 

That is where the bite sized  3 minute meditation comes in!  It is quick and easy, giving you a small taste of the quiet, and calm mind.

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Meditation and Happiness!

I am hoping you will check out this meditation, because it is so easy and effective.

An introduction to the Chakra Meditation.  Get ready for color, energy, strength and happiness!

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In this video I introduce you to the idea of a meditation that YOU can actually do.  It is easy, full of color and energy, and can help you create happiness in your life.

Where and how to meditate, a Demo!

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During this video I show you where, and how to meditate – the practical guide.  Take a look, then create your own practice where and how you want.  It is very personal!

All about the wonderful chakra system!

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In this video I show you the chakra system, the colors, the life areas each effects, and how to clear and energise them.

Here is the chakra worksheet to help you learn the chakras, and what they are for.

And you can find out more about my Visual Meditation DVD here, if it is all getting a bit hard!

Meditation: Here is the symbol you will see at the close of most posts, to let you know which chakras to focus extra attention and power to support the work we are doing in that post. I will give you a guide on how best to use your meditation as we go along.

 

Exercise: Try the chakra meditation for 2 weeks.  It is only 15 minutes or so a day, and you may be so surprised at how easy it is, and how much  life suddenly starts to go more smoothly.  Try to notice the effects of your meditation, and maybe do the Happiness Survey afterward to see how your happiness levels are going.

 

 

In with the positive and out with the negative!

The why and how of creating emotional boundaries for happiness.

How a small change in your life can make you a LOT happier!

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In this video I speak about why making emotional boundaries can be a really great step toward greater happiness.  Who we spend our time with makes a huge impact on how we feel about ourselves and our happiness levels.  It can also impact on how we cope with problems in our lives.  Take a look and see if there are some people in your life that aren’t quite as positive as we could hope for, and identify the people who are most loving and supportive in our lives.

Exercise: Do the Happiness Survey If you start with the Survey before you start to work on the boundaries project, you will have an idea of how you feel before you begin.  Then after compiling the list that we create in the next tutorial, and doing the experiment over the next week, try the happiness survey again and see what change there is to your happiness level.  Remember that having a gauge of your progress helps motivate you to gain further, greater, and deeper happiness through positive change.

In with the positive and out with the negative!

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This video is all about the HOW of creating more positive people around you and how to limit the effects of the negative people you may have in your life.  Great tips and techniques for letting negativity flow past you. These tips will help in lots of areas of life, from work, home and family.

 

 

Exercise: Create you list of people in your life, and mark them down as neutral, positive or negative.  Now spend one week actively seeking the company of the positive and avoiding the negative.  Really try to notice how you feel in general, and about life.  How do you cope with problems when you spend time with positive people?  Do the Happiness Survey for more indication of changes over this week.

Here is the picture I promised, too.  Hope it helps with the visual idea of letting negativity flow past you.

Check out the video below for help dealing with negative parents, children, and partners.

 

Do you have negative parents, children or partner? Here’s some ideas for that.

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You will find in this video some tips for coping with negative parents, children and partner you may have in your life.  We are just experimenting for the moment, with avoiding the negative and seeking out the positive, but there are a few tips here for taking those changes into the future.  There will also be ongoing information for dealing with, developing and growing some of these relationships later on How to Happiness.

Exercise: Create you list of people in your life, and mark them down as neutral, positive or negative.  Now spend one week actively seeking the company of the positive and avoiding the negative.  Really try to notice how you feel in general, and about life.  How do you cope with problems when you spend time with positive people?  Do the Happiness Survey for more indication of changes over this week.

A great book for staying positive while raising children is by Sarah Napthali and is entitled Buddhism for Mothers – A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children.  She has other books about raising toddlers and school aged kids.  You don’t need to be Buddhist to get a great deal of support and information from Sarah’s books, both for how to take care of kids, and how to care for yourself (like setting boundaries!)

Abusive and violent relationship help:  You can find some support contacts here. And information and help sheets here.   And this for a practical information sheet I hope you will seek some help if this information is relevant to you.

And……Don’t forget comments.  How did you find doing the list of friends and family?  Were you surprised by the results? How did it feel over the week with less contact with the negatives?  Are you planning any changes for the future?  Did you cope any differently with problems after spending time with positive supportive people?

Inspire others to try positive changes by letting them know about yours by adding a comment!